Friday, July 07, 2006

Friday Feast - An Ode To Rising Gas Prices

You know, I was thinking. After spending over $30 for about 10 gallons of gas yesterday I decided that I wanted to dedicate a blog specifically to those men and women who have decided to glean every cent they can from the American consumer. So here's to you big oil, my thanks to you for all that you have done for me over the past couple of years. I did some deep in-depth analysis and will share with you what I have learned from PNN (the Pudge News Network). Here are the top five reasons that gas prices have gone up so dramatically lately.

#5 - intense rains on the east coast last week - That's right too much water in the streets causes oil prices to sky rocket. Some big wig oil president must have gotten his $1000 pair of shoes wet and decided that he needed another pair, so up go the price on Go Juice!

#4 - Jay Mollette no longer commutes to work - Hard to believe that those few miles that he doesn't drive every day could have such a dramatic impact on the cost of gas but my sources have learned that big oil executives heard about this huge consumption reduction and decided that it was worth about $.15/gallon.

#3 - Cora Fraley has dental work done - Yep, once again those slippery big oil reporters knew that this was going to happen and upped the prices another $.05/gallon. Taking advantage of a child’s pain is just right up there alley!

#2 - It's July and the Independence Day Classic is scheduled - They had to get their greedy hands into one of my golf outings or it just wouldn't be a complete domination of the American economy!

#1 - Tom Hawkins didn't preach this past Sunday - The mass exodus from Tecumseh when the word got out caused traffic jams 10 miles long. People were lined up for blocks just to fill up to head somewhere else for church. It has been scientifically proven that the Pastors sermons' have kept gas prices down for months! We must take the necessary steps to insure that this never happens again.

Alright, I am finished venting now. I guess I am tired of corporate America taking advantage of the average consumer and like most of you I simply cannot afford for this to continue. But remember that no matter what the price of gas is that God is still in control and His mercies endure forever. Be blessed beyond belief today.

15 Comments:

At 8:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

not to mention all that gas to feed the BHG!!!

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Doug E. Pudge said...

Amazingly it only is costing me $1 more per tank than it did last year. That makes the BHG a very economical method of cooking! B4T

 
At 9:31 AM, Blogger SoundGuy4JesusChrist said...

As much as I agree with stomping down
on business' abusing customers, we should
also be aware that most oil companies
make about 9 cents per gallon, However the Federal Government taxes around 18 cents per gallon. And thats not including
state taxes on fuel!
So that means that for every $1000 pair of shoes
that an oil exec buys, some Senator is
getting a $2000 pair of shoes.
AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

 
At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Better hold your horses buckoes becuz its gonna be 5 bucks a gallon before they are through. Just stay home and watch football on TV, or surf the net.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Jay said...

How did I make the top 5 list?
I think and it's just my opinion, that all of those trips to you know where, to see you know who..might have something to do with it!!

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Doug E. Pudge said...

What do you mean by that? I haven't been you know where all week! B4T

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger where's jim? said...

I heard most accidents occur within 5 miles of home and I was going to move but I can't afford to on account of the gas it would take me to get there!! And you don't send me flowers anymore either...

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger Jay said...

but you did cut all of the grass at the compound!!

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Four-Leaf K' lover said...

BLAH on gas prices!!! Those are my words of wisdom.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Doug E. Pudge said...

It used to only take about $5 worth of gas to cut all the grass at the compound and now it takes about $10! Got to cut the grass you know. B4T

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Kodiak said...

Too bad the guy who is mowing lawn for free just to loose 30+ pounds doesn't live near near all of us.

DEP they had to up the price of gas because you were not making that trip to you know where.

 
At 7:46 PM, Blogger Swinging Sammy said...

wow DEP! you brought the soundguy out of hiding! Amazing!

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger Kodiak said...

Think about getting www.synlawn.com

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger Swinging Sammy said...

yep

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger Swinging Sammy said...

oh yeah, and it's not friday anymore buddy.

 

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