Monday, April 16, 2007

Welcome To IKEA

You know, I was thinking. This past weekend was a pretty good one for the Pudgeman and Mrs. Pudgeman. We spent a lot of time working on the house which brought a great deal of satisfaction. It is nice to actually see some progress being made and I think that the two of us were at least psychologically energized and recharged by what was accomplished.

The only black mark on the weekend was a stop in Canton at IKEA! We went there because I had received word that they carried stainless steel countertops. Now, I don't know if you fully understand the way that the Pudgeman shops or not but in a nutshell it is as simple as 1,2,3. 1. Know exactly what you want to either buy or look at before you leave the house. 2. Enter the store with purpose and intent to buy or look at exactly what you want. 3. Leave said store with the merchandise or information that you went there to get just as quickly as is humanly possible without causing serious injury to yourself or others along the way. This tried and true method does not work at IKEA! I don't know how many of you have ever entered one of these stores but there should be a sign on the outside saying "WELCOME TO HELL!" You have to go into the store through one specific door. To get to the stuff for kitchens you must go up the escalator through a maze of other crap (sorry Vera) that you have absolutely no interest in looking at in order to get to the stuff you do want to look at! I felt like a mouse looking for cheese in a maze. Once you find the kitchen area, you must then find an actually human that works in that department in order to ask for the information that you want to receive. After finding out that they do NOT carry what you want you then must complete the maze to find the stairs that go down to the main floor again. Once you get to the bottom of the steps you are less than 50 feet away from where you came in but there are two problems. Problem one is that this is only the entrance and not the exit and problem two is that there is a wall between you and the promised land at this point. The only way to get to the exit is to go through the first floor labrinth looking at more crap (sorry again Vera) that you have absolutely no interest in again before you get to the exit.

On top of all of this it seemed to me like everyone in this store had a unified purpose and intent to slow me down. I wanted out and no matter what I did there were people blocking the path that you have to take in order to get to the chesse! I got turned around more than once, I felt lost and confused, and I nearly forgot to keep tabs on my lovely wife to make sure she was still with me (she's good at keeping up)! The last time I felt this way was when Tom and I were stuck in Chicago traffic and it took us about three hours to get out! Man I was getting angry!

IKEA has seen me for both the first and last time! I have vowed to never darken their doorway again. If you love IKEA, then have at it! If you have never been there then be ready to become a science project! Above all things be blessed beyond belief today.


At 9:44 AM, Blogger Raivynn said...

You know, I was thinking. You start all your posts with "You know, I was thinking."

Like your ending, maybe you could just acronymify it. (Okay, i made that word up.) YKIWT. sorta rolls off the keyboard, eh?

Well, all right, no it doesn't. But I'm bored and using all my creativity posting on all you guys' blogs instead of in my own.

Oh, my point?

This was a great post! Funny and very helpful in warning others as to the labrynthine convolutions of IKEA. ~.^

At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Bruiser said...

IKEA - never been trying to avoid it like crazy.

Vera - I had absolutely NOTHING to do with Dougie's potty-mouth in this post!!

At 3:25 PM, Anonymous Russell said...

I've been told that I would love IKEA. After this post, I'm pretty sure I would!

(You see, whenever I have a question, I ask Dougs opinion, and do the opposite. Works every time!)

At 3:26 PM, Anonymous Russell said...

Oh, and Raivyn... your comments on all our posts are AWESOME!! I look forward to them every time!

(writing with your heart... HA!)

At 7:16 AM, Blogger Doug E. Pudge said...

Raivynn, You bring up a good question about the opening of my blog. With only a couple of exceptions I have began every post with "You know, I was thinking". I guess that has become a part of my blog. I don't ever end the blog with B4T, I always write it out so I guess that since I am as old as dirt and pretty set in my ways I'll probably keep on spelling it out for poeple. Nice thoughts though, keep 'em coming.
Puppy, go out and get a life somewhere would you! B4T

At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Doug,

Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience at IKEA Canton! We have shortcuts throughout the store and even shortcuts to the exit if you don't find what you're looking for.

I invite you to come again and try some meatballs on us! I'll give you a store map and show you how to locate the shortcuts. Sorry to hear you didn't find the countertop you were looking for either; did you like the IKEA kitchens? That department in the store is very popular - people love the low prices.

One more thing - one of the reasons we can offer such genuine low prices is that we run with a slim staff - this may explain your frustration finding a kitchens coworker.

Anyways, Doug, I'm sad to know you didn't enjoy your visit. I do hope to see you here again - contact me and your family can have lunch on us.

Best Regards,
Lisa Allen
Public Relations
IKEA Canton

p.s. - I found your blog because I set Google Alert to "IKEA Canton" and I get emailed whenever someone posts anything using those words. I won't be following your blog (slim staff and all) but feel free to email me if you want to voice anything directly to the store.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Doug E. Pudge said...

To all who read this regularly, the above comment is impressive to me. I must admit that I will email Lisa and give her the specifics on my frustrations. To google your store on the web for comments seems like IKEA is wanting feedback. Although I feel the same as I did before, I sit here very impressed at the fact that Lisa is trying to rectify the situation. B4T

At 10:15 AM, Anonymous raivynn said...

Wow! I'm impressed, too. Big Brother is watching ... >_>

At 1:48 PM, Blogger Jay said...

Not as Impressive as an E-mail from God,(how cool would that be) but I liked it. I think you should go back and take some time looking around.
but then what do I know?

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Swinging Sammy said...

I don't like IKEA for the same reason, but if you go expecting the maze, you definitely can have a better experience. I have to say that Laura loves the store, and we have been more times than I care to mention (at least 2). The prices are very good though.

At 1:04 PM, Blogger Pete said...

Being that I work only 5 mins from Ikea I have walked the store acouple of times on lunch.. I now know the short cuts and I am able to get through rather quickly. Although I must admit I thought that I was going to go over my lunch break the first time I walked through. I totally avoid the top floor most of the time.

hillarious that someone from IKEA found your rant..


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