Tuesday, February 13, 2007

How Am I Doing?

You know, I was thinking. There is so much going on up in my head right now that I just don't know where to begin. First of all after just one week I am already tired of talking about cancer and figuring out what words mean that are releated to this disease that I have. I am tired of answering the question "how are YOU doing?" I just want to go back to being Doug again. Please don't any of you take this as a criticism, it is just part of what I am feeling right now. You all know me, if I feel it I gotta share it. All of you have been so gracious and loving through everything thus far. I couldn't ask for more loving friends or family. Please don't think that I am trying to be tough or strong because I do have a complete understanding of what the implications of this disease are to me and to my family. For the first time yesterday Rachel and I shared our real feelings with one another and we both have fears and shed some tears. Rachels greatest fear is of course losing a husband. My greatest fear is that she will be angry with God if the worst happens. Sometimes I am just too focused on what I am supposed to do with all of this and I lose track of what she must be going through.

I guess I have written all of this to say the following, I am still the same Doug that I was a week ago. I will not let cancer change me or the mission that I have been given. I don't want to die unless that is what God wants to do. If I do live I want to glorify the Father, if I do die I want to glorify the Father. My mission is the same regardless. I will do everything in my power to fight this disease & win or lose I want to glorify the Father. My life hasn't been about me in a very long time and that is not going to change. I do indeed know that "all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to His purposes." I am not thankful that I have cancer. I do not rejoice at all in this disease. I am thankful to spite the fact that I have cancer and I rejoice in the goodness of the Lord. God is good, all the time & all the time, God is good. Even when you have cancer. Be blessed beyond belief today.


At 4:57 PM, Anonymous Kodiak said...

Keep us updated as you feel lead. We will keep you in our prayers and that will include your complete healing. We are also praying for Rachel and the boys. We love you Doug.

At 8:45 AM, Blogger Hawkman said...

Thanks Pudgeman!

At 12:53 PM, Anonymous wheresjim? said...

Will you be my valentine?


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